Aisle Running Critic at Large & Theological Forum

STEEPLE CHASER. Should there be such a thing as a (respectful and benign yet honest and bold) 'quality control inspector' (a la book reviewer, or theater critic) who goes around to churches and publishes evaluations--based on a fair 100-question-1-10 scale covering areas such as doctrine, hospitality, and the ministry of the Holy Spirit?

Could rapport and friendliness (v.s. non-bonding 'teflonism'), sincere love, empathy, and substantiality (v.s. glibness and superficiality), mental health (v.s. crazymaking), quality of music, creativity and the arts, community outreach, and intelligent conversation--be given a "quotient" rating system by the ecclesiastical critic..?

Could the 'personality' of each local Christian fellowship be observed and experienced? Could this 'church personality' be reflected upon and described in a blog..?

Would this (hopefully fair, friendly--but factual) reportage encourage more internal quality control in the redeemed community by addressing syndromes like "the Emperor's Clothes" and absence of spiritual life, and stimulate healthy corrective discussion within each group?

In my own experience over the years I was often tempted to go back to a church I had visited with a sign around my neck and a paper cup. The sign would read: "Eye Contact--$1.00."

As a counselor in private practice for many years, I've listened to many stories of church experiences--often by people who had stopped going anywhere. Following are some examples of statements made to me over the years:

1. "I was man-handled by a rude usher and forced to sit where I didn't want to."

2. "They seemed authentically interested in me, asked thoughtful questions, and were very friendly."

3. "No one--but a glazed-eyed greeter--even looked at me--much less smiled or said hello."

4. "The pastor gave me a warm handshake, called me later, and after attending several months I've found that he has a true shepherd's heart--as do other spiritual leaders there he has trained."

5. "I've never met so many emotionally cold, ""God's Frozen Chosen," bland and boring people in my life."

6. "The pastor there teaches the Bible truths in a very interesting, practical, and applicable way--with illustrations from his own life experiences--not from a dusty book."

P.S.: Many pastors could spice up their sermon-introductions, I think, by subscribing to SERMONSPICE.com where they can obtain excellent thematic stage-setting 3-4 minute videos to introduce their messages.
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THEOLOGICAL FORUM:
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I would enjoy hearing your thoughts re:

1. The Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) Phenomenon:
...................Would you agree that...
A. Norman Vincent Peale was the Protestants' PMA guy...?
B. Bishop Fulton J. Sheen was the Roman Catholics' PMA guy...?
C. Robert Schuller (now his son too) is the Evangelicals' PMA guy...?
D. Joel Osteen (now at 40,000?) is the Mega Church PMA guy...?
E. Hagin & K. Copeland et al are the Latter Rain Pentecostals' PMA guys...?

2. Another question: I wonder if Triumphalism or Word-Faith teaching would fit the Apostle John's experience on the Isle of Patmos--the early Church Christians-to the present--who have undergone persecution, martyrdom, suffering..e.g. Hebrews 11...?

3. Or my hypothesis: Word-Faith, Positive-Confession, and Latter-Rain Pentecostalism is not only out of (and antagonistic to) the Classical Pentecostal tradition of say, the more Wesleyen-based Assemblies of God or Church of God (Cleveland, TN)--but really out of classical Christian orthodoxy and orthopraxy. i.e.: Word-Faith belongs more in the metaphysical Mind Sciences: Religious Science, Christian Science, New Consciousness, and Emersonain Transcendentalism. (?)

4. And another thought: would there be a danger (or would I be too 'theologically paranoid' to worry) that the Emergent Church, in many of its so-called 'paradigmatic-Hegelian-shifts' is perhaps in many cases--or varying degrees--in reality the emerging Apostate Church of the Last Days--a manipulated 'consensus' fostering syncretism in doctrine--and perhaps containing aspects of 'fascism-lite' or a 'totalistic' propaganda-driven nature--as it resonates with the mega-church phenomenon...?

5. And (re: Pneumatology): My Methodist and theologically-educated Mom and my So. Baptist-to-Scottish-Presbyterian-theologically-educated Dad both rejected Latter Rain Pentecostalism (with its holyrollerism: impulsivity, inappropirate pre-occupation with demons(instead of having a scholarly 'demonology'), unstable emotionalism--histrionics, anti-education bias, directive prophecy, non-reflective shallowness, and the kind of splenetic subjectivism one might call 'Charismagical', 'Charismystical', and 'Charismanic'--my terms).

My parents' conviction was that they were non-cessationists: they believed that the Gifts of the Holy Spirit--particularly those listed in Romans 12 and I Corinthians 12, 13--were for today--and did not cease (at the closing of the Apostolic Age--or the completion of the New Testament Canon). Our family experienced divine healing physically as did people to whom they ministered. However, they cautioned me regarding the dangers inherent in not subjecting all experience to scripture and Latter Rain excesses such as 'charismatic clairvoyance' in which, in a William Branhamesque manner, someone on a platform would call out diseases and afflictions or "read a person's mail" by telling people their name and street address.
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Copyright 2007 by Philip C. Brewer